Home   Sign In   Join   Search   Forums
7/20/17 7:54 PM 
lightbrownie1
Johnston, IA

I'm going to share something that has bothered me for the last few weeks.
I don't expect anyone to be nice and I'm sure there will be a few that will remember some of my response I've made to simular situations, but that's ok

I met someone that I contacted first. I noticed that he viewed my profile so I thought I say hello.

I contacted this guy and told him that I was just in his city a week ago and would be there the following week, he gave me his name and phone number and said call.

We met but didn't do very much because it was late due to him taking care of some things.

No sex..little kissing and I went on my way.

He told me to call and let him know when I got back to where I was staying, I did and that was that.
On my way back home to where I live I texted and thanked him for meeting me. He asked when can we see each other again and agreed to meet in couple weeks.
In between that time, we text, and talked a couple times but didn't see each other within the couple weeks because I had other obligations.
However he came to my city about a week later

Now...I'm going to stop right here because I didn't say what we talked about before he came to see me...but I mentioned we talked and text a few times.

Here's where I saw the signs.

We didn't talk much on the phone, I would say maybe three times within the three week period. He text me more than talking and within those text I would say half was asking me questions concerning sex.

I knew that something did not feel right the moment he kissed me..when I was in his city, but I ignored it and gave into the kissing( yes it was good) but I didn't allow it to go further and he really didn't try much to make me feel uncomfortable.

Second thing that I knew wasn't right......
The night I got home to my city, he told me he would call after he got done working out...but he never did.
No problem..didn't bother me ( but again) this is my second sign of something isn't right.

Now..I mentioned that I had other obligations so we didn't meet on the first time we agreed, but he told me that he might go back to his hometown for that weekend which was like cool because I had to go out of town also so we were ok with not sticking to the original time of meeting again.

It just so happens that I had to drive through the hometown he's from and I text him and said driving through. He never responded. Next day came, I text him happy fathers day...no response.

The following day (monday) he replied thank u and that he was sick..
Ok


So..I've had my third ( something is not right) or red flags.

Why did I allow him to come see me?

Yes he did come to see me...but the experience that I had ( don't want to say) threw me for a loop to the point that I hid my profile and changed it to ( forums only)

I'm not going to tell y'all everything but if anyone has some thought going on thinking that maybe he was really a woman....no he isnt.

The point of all of this...
When you have that first little bit of a feeling within that doesn't feel right BELIEVE IT.


I'm good but I believe that our instincts was placed there for a reason and I'm really surprised within myself that I didn't stick to them.
I don't consider myself as being desperate, I've had many men approach me and turn them down.
I have an acquaintance now that I have been with off and on for a few years, but most of the problem is me not giving all although I love him dearly.
So lessened learned and never say never.


Meet singles at DateHookup.com, we're 100% free! Join now!


7/20/17 8:03 PM 

bumblebee7
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (75,191)
Fort Payne, AL
online now!


Tell you the truth...If I had set up a red flag list and followed it to the absolute "t"....thru out my whole life and knew what I know now.

Likely I would have never dated ever.

When I first started dating again, after the divorce, after 25 years of marriaqe, I was so new to all of this and too trusting and accepting..and paid the price many times.

So...after all that I thought about it all, the signs I should have seen and etc, common denominators in these women and etc... and set up a red flag list.

Then I thought back on my life pertaining to all of this and had I had a system like that set up from day one....based on this lifetime of experiences(yep, a time machine would be needed)

I really think I would have had to pass most of them up...maybe all....


7/20/17 8:06 PM 
lightbrownie1
Johnston, IA

Thanks for that Bee



7/20/17 8:31 PM 

westy602
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (20,694)
Phoenix, AZ


I don't get it...

why are all these "red flags" or "somethings not right" going off in your mind??..


7/20/17 8:40 PM 
rightguyforu732
Over 2,000 Posts (2,398)
Lisle, IL

Op how bout them Iowa Hawkeyes?

7/20/17 9:00 PM 

packersbabe920
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (93,457)
Green Bay, WI


Sound like u was more into him than he was into you, Now I'm wondering did he have a girlfriend or wife? That u knew nothing about, plus he probably only wanted sex cause u said of the tex

7/20/17 9:18 PM 
lightbrownie1
Johnston, IA

Quote from packersbabe920:
Sound like u was more into him than he was into you, Now I'm wondering did he have a girlfriend or wife? That u knew nothing about, plus he probably only wanted sex cause u said of the tex


No I wasn't into him more than he was into me. I believe it was a take or leave mutual thing.
I didn't mention everything that transpired because as u can see my post was long.

I didn't initiated texting, there was only a couple of text that I initiated which is what I mentioned, however every time before then, he would text me and I would respond.

He would tell me he was going to call and ask me when my break was, but he might have called once or twice during the day and called maybe a couple times in the evening.

Mind you though...this was over a three week period after our first meet and when he didn't fall through to what he said about calling, after the second week, I told him something isn't right and I'm not trying to figure it out.
So he knew that I noticed his inconsistency and not following through that's when he started to call or text more.

And yes he brought up things about sex that started to make me believe he's really into sex...( but what man isn't) right?
So to a certain degree I kind of ignored.


7/20/17 9:49 PM 

lucky_1million
Over 2,000 Posts (2,078)
Pewaukee, WI

The early stages of dating can be a little scary especially if you are attracted to them and you see a lot of potential in them.

I've ignored some red flag warnings with people in the past.

It turned out to be a mix of good and bad. It wasn't ALL bad.

My most passionate relationship was with someone who was a little dangerous.

I learned a lot from the relationship even though there is a part of me that says "never again"

I get what you mean.


7/20/17 10:15 PM 

driver406
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (58,537)
Saint Paul, MN


Quote from lightbrownie1:
No I wasn't into him more than he was into me. I believe it was a take or leave mutual thing.
I didn't mention everything that transpired because as u can see my post was long.

I didn't initiated texting, there was only a couple of text that I initiated which is what I mentioned, however every time before then, he would text me and I would respond.

He would tell me he was going to call and ask me when my break was, but he might have called once or twice during the day and called maybe a couple times in the evening.

Mind you though...this was over a three week period after our first meet and when he didn't fall through to what he said about calling, after the second week, I told him something isn't right and I'm not trying to figure it out.
So he knew that I noticed his inconsistency and not following through that's when he started to call or text more.

And yes he brought up things about sex that started to make me believe he's really into sex...( but what man isn't) right?
So to a certain degree I kind of ignored.


He's married isn't he or at least otherwise committed?


7/20/17 10:17 PM 

driver406
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (58,537)
Saint Paul, MN


Quote from packersbabe920:
Sound like u was more into him than he was into you, Now I'm wondering did he have a girlfriend or wife? That u knew nothing about, plus he probably only wanted sex cause u said of the tex


Exactly what I thought packer and I bet you're on to something.


7/21/17 3:58 AM 

Mercedes_3
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (13,865)
New South Wales
Australia


If you're interested in blokes who work out I suggest you join a gym.

Those blokes who work out at my gym don't interest me.


7/21/17 4:09 AM 
marriedncheatin
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (14,860)
Twin Falls, ID


Op going thru IA...want to meet for sex

It sounds like you guys had a connection but when he didn't reply in a timely manner that was a red flag for you... I'm thinking he might actually be in some type of relationship and that's the reason why he didn't respond...and came to you my two cents.


7/21/17 4:14 AM 
cavie59
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (19,193)
Enid, OK


Quote from lightbrownie1:

And yes he brought up things about sex that started to make me believe he's really into sex...( but what man isn't) right?


One that KNOWS, that bringing up sex at ANY time while talking with a woman is likely to be seen as a "Red Flag" by her.

Face facts, when a man remotely mentions sex to a woman, she thinks that "sex" is all he wants.


7/21/17 4:16 AM 

M4mischief
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (19,380)
Grand Prairie, TX
online now!


Red flag....^^^....

7/21/17 4:19 AM 
cavie59
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (19,193)
Enid, OK


Quote from M4mischief:
Red flag....^^^....


Crap, I typed the "S" word three tomes.


7/21/17 5:53 AM 

bumblebee7
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (75,191)
Fort Payne, AL
online now!


Quote from cavie59:
One that KNOWS, that bringing up sex at ANY time while talking with a woman is likely to be seen as a "Red Flag" by her.

Face facts, when a man remotely mentions sex to a woman, she thinks that "sex" is all he wants.


I wouldn't say that.

Talking about sex with a potential depends on a few things, like was there some trust established first and a host of things along those lines. If she feels like your legit, and real and all that and you've talked for a while, and it just falls into place..most don't have a problem with it...they get curious too, once you've established what I listed above and it appears a met is going to happen. The difference in the individual is, how far they will go in these talks...I think many women don't want to give away all their secrets in what they do, because they won't go to those points with just anyone....has to be someone special and they won't know that until you have actually been together a bit.

On the other hand, there are women out there, to where if you don't talk about it and soon, they will lose interest, because that's what they are really seeking.

Its kinda a catch 22 , damned if you do, damned if you don't sometimes.


7/21/17 6:03 AM 

apokernut
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (20,814)
Elk Grove Village, IL


It could've been that there was compatibility issues (possibly on his side). He might've wanted to go for a piece of a** on that note.

7/21/17 6:21 AM 

bumblebee7
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (75,191)
Fort Payne, AL
online now!


Op... somewhat in relation to what I said about this catch 22 thing and your thread here.

Sometimes how a guy acts when you chat with him, may depend upon what he has recently experienced in emailing with different women.

If a guy just recently went thru chatting with a few women or over a period of time, where he was too tame and didn't bring up sex, and they lost interest... even if it was for another reason, its likely he may think, that he was too tame and didn't bring it up....and in some cases that may be the reason they lost interest.

So, from that point on, he might do things differently and not be as tame and bring sex up...even if he is looking for more than sex....and this can apply to more things than just sex too. ....and this doesn't mean, he's really that type of person. Sure, its better to be who you are and stick to your guns, but from the human standpoint, people get lonely and want some success in meeting someone...and those of both gender might adjust how they come off in the beginning, by the feed back or perceived feedback they get by chatting with others, where there hasn't been any success recently.

The other thing is this...women are use to guys being fairly aggressive in all aspects and many don't realize that men have strong feelings too...its just they were in the quest to raise a manly son, taught to suppress these emotions....Well, if a guy is legit and went thru a few heart breaks too...he may not be so aggressive and open and a little more on the nonchalant side in the beginning, because he is wanting to go in slow and be cautious, for the same reasons why, some women do this....the problem with this in a sense is.. .men aren't really afforded that luxury, because enough women will take that as..."he really isn't that interested in me" (another catch 22)

All this meaning.. you can't always judge a book by its cover, and that men are human too...with feelings. I think its a good idea to have a red flag system and stick too it.. . but not be too quick to judge....unless its far too obvious they aren't what we want.


7/21/17 10:55 AM 

bookwormtobutte
Over 2,000 Posts (2,868)
Rio Rancho, NM
online now!


Hey your human, I think everyone at least once in their lives have seen red flags and chosen to ignore them.
Making mistakes is how we learn in life, nothing wrong with not being perfect.


7/21/17 11:17 AM 
tellitlkittis
Over 7,500 Posts!! (8,310)
Los Angeles, CA

SMH. If you have someone, Why is my question to you? WHY,WHY,WHY? But, I'll answer! Cause you ain't got a man, plain and simple, plus you/you're a lil crazy. An aquaintance is not the same as having a man that YOU have chosen to be your own man. Be careful,use your brain, guard your heart.


I'm going to leave the rest of that BS you sprouting alone.


7/21/17 11:17 AM 

xman379
Over 2,000 Posts (3,073)
Richmond, VA
online now!


Red flags means there was some unmet expectation.

One does not get red flags if one has no expectations.

So, OP what were your expectations with this guy?


7/21/17 11:54 AM 

sadlsticsienna
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (13,567)
New South Wales
Australia


He's obviously lazy, like all men.
And wanting booty for minimal work


7/21/17 11:55 AM 
rightguyforu732
Over 2,000 Posts (2,398)
Lisle, IL

Quote from sadlsticsienna:
He's obviously lazy, like all men.
And wanting booty for minimal work




Water always finds the path of least resistance to flow downhill.


7/21/17 11:56 AM 

sadlsticsienna
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (13,567)
New South Wales
Australia


men are water? lol


7/21/17 12:23 PM 
tellitlkittis
Over 7,500 Posts!! (8,310)
Los Angeles, CA

Quote from xman379:
Red flags means there was some unmet expectation.

One does not get red flags if one has no expectations.

So, OP what were your expectations with this guy?



[lmg]
https://i.yomyomf.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/keep-calm-because-this-is-bullshit.png' />



7/21/17 12:29 PM 
tellitlkittis
Over 7,500 Posts!! (8,310)
Los Angeles, CA



7/21/17 12:33 PM 
tellitlkittis
Over 7,500 Posts!! (8,310)
Los Angeles, CA

Quote from sadlsticsienna:
men are water? lol






TRUE


7/21/17 12:44 PM 
tellitlkittis
Over 7,500 Posts!! (8,310)
Los Angeles, CA

Quote from bumblebee7:
Tell you the truth...If I had set up a red flag list and followed it to the absolute "t"....thru out my whole life and knew what I know now.

Likely I would have never dated ever.

When I first started dating again, after the divorce, after 25 years of marriaqe, I was so new to all of this and too trusting and accepting..and paid the price many times.

So...after all that I thought about it all, the signs I should have seen and etc, common denominators in these women and etc... and set up a red flag list.

Then I thought back on my life pertaining to all of this and had I had a system like that set up from day one....based on this lifetime of experiences(yep, a time machine would be needed)

I really think I would have had to pass most of them up...maybe all....


WTF are you talking about mr.(on purpose) crazy? The common denominator is Y O U a**hole!

If you had a system like that in place from the very beginning....one or two women(know you haven't dated that much, because, you were/are a RED FLAG to some woman) would have been spared your BS.

Yes,I'm back, I know, I just made your day. But, FORGET ABOUT IT!


7/21/17 2:09 PM 

mylegsarecold
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (15,764)
Gainesville, FL
online now!


A red flag is when something seems out of order.

It seems that most of OP's flags were more yellowish, since
none of those things by themselves seem that badly out of order.

So you let them slip through to give him the benefit of doubt.


7/21/17 2:09 PM 

xman379
Over 2,000 Posts (3,073)
Richmond, VA
online now!


Quote from tellitlkittis:


Please explain how my statement was bullshit.


7/21/17 3:56 PM 

packersbabe920
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (93,457)
Green Bay, WI


Light brown u said u left a lot of things out, cause it was too long to write so how we supposed to figured out what's going on? Umma go with what I said on page one, he's either married or has a girlfriend and u did share a kiss with him, so u liked him til u start seeing red flags as u said

7/21/17 4:13 PM 

xman379
Over 2,000 Posts (3,073)
Richmond, VA
online now!


Never say never about what?

I'm not seeing how the thread title correlates with the story.


7/21/17 4:51 PM 
4uijack
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (26,749)
New Port Richey, FL


He's a f*ggott and was just wanting to make sure!!!

7/21/17 5:59 PM 
lightbrownie1
Johnston, IA

I haven't read everyone's comments so I'm not responding to all.
Let me say this.

First I said I didn't mention everything we talked about.
I knew he had kids and he was divorced.

We established a communication in knowing one another especially the first night we met. However, we just didn't communicate much in between the first and second time we met.
Yes, we texted yes we talked on the phone but not much.

I'm not going to say what happend when he came to my city because its really none of anyone buiness and he is on this site.
But...what happened was something I was not into regarding sex..it was more than what I had expected which made me uncomfortable and it was something I never came across with anyone, so I didn't proceed.
..I was not made or disappointed at all that it didn't work out because I was trying to see where his mind was regarding some type of relationship( I didn't figure that out) and I should have waited longer to figure that out.
I haven't called him and he hasn't called me ( which is fine.

Now going back to a comment I made about someone else that I've been on and off with for a few years.
This was the first time that I've ever had anything going with another man and I'm the one that told the guy that I've been knowing(for years) that this isn't going to work anymore.


7/21/17 6:07 PM 

xman379
Over 2,000 Posts (3,073)
Richmond, VA
online now!


Hmmm, I'm thinking the guy was a swinger, bisexual, a swinging bisexual or was into mixing sex & drugs.

7/21/17 6:14 PM 
lightbrownie1
Johnston, IA

Quote from packersbabe920:
Light brown u said u left a lot of things out, cause it was too long to write so how we supposed to figured out what's going on? Umma go with what I said on page one, he's either married or has a girlfriend and u did share a kiss with him, so u liked him til u start seeing red flags as u said


Pack..you could be right regarding him having someone else because that did cross my mind many times before we met again.
However my last post just before this one explains a little more of my red flags.

I believe we both had an attraction to one another but what he was into (sexually) really through me for a loop and it was too strange for me.
Plus he could be someone that sleeps around a lot because of his odd sexual desires, but I'm not into that at least not what he was asking

So I hope it helps with what I'm saying when I say Never say never.
What I mean by this is...I didn't ever think that I would allow something like this to happen and not adhere to the signs I was seeing.
Normally I would have done a complete 180 because I read people very well.
So I didn't think that I would have ever gotten that far without listening more to my instinks.
The whole time that he was traveling here made me even more suspious ..I kept saying to myself...your going to regret it.


7/21/17 6:25 PM 
lightbrownie1
Johnston, IA

Quote from xman379:
Hmmm, I'm thinking the guy was a swinger, bisexual, a swinging bisexual or was into mixing sex & drugs.


Xman..drugs no.
But the other stuff possibly.

However I'm so thankful that it didn't get far to the point of me being worried about diseases(yes I mentioned protection) and sure would have used it...but thankful it didn't get that far.


7/22/17 4:57 AM 

sadlsticsienna
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (13,567)
New South Wales
Australia


Quote from xman379:
Hmmm, I'm thinking the guy was a swinger, bisexual, a swinging bisexual or was into mixing sex & drugs.



7/22/17 3:50 PM 

M4mischief
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (19,380)
Grand Prairie, TX
online now!


Quote from cavie59:
Crap, I typed the "S" word three tomes.




red flag...red flag...red flag......


7/22/17 4:44 PM 

packersbabe920
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (93,457)
Green Bay, WI


Quote from lightbrownie1:
Pack..you could be right regarding him having someone else because that did cross my mind many times before we met again.
However my last post just before this one explains a little more of my red flags.

I believe we both had an attraction to one another but what he was into (sexually) really through me for a loop and it was too strange for me.
Plus he could be someone that sleeps around a lot because of his odd sexual desires, but I'm not into that at least not what he was asking

So I hope it helps with what I'm saying when I say Never say never.
What I mean by this is...I didn't ever think that I would allow something like this to happen and not adhere to the signs I was seeing.
Normally I would have done a complete 180 because I read people very well.
So I didn't think that I would have ever gotten that far without listening more to my instinks.
The whole time that he was traveling here made me even more suspious ..I kept saying to myself...your going to regret it.



Oh ok, well u took a chance and I'm glad u saw the red flags and decided not to see him no moreAnd yup instincts don't never lie


7/23/17 4:55 AM 

bumblebee7
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (75,191)
Fort Payne, AL
online now!


Quote from xman379:
Please explain how my statement was bullshit.


I wouldn't worry about it.

Teli, is a nutcase women, ex crack dealer from deep in the nasty hoods of L.A.

The state couldn't afford to keep her in the asylum any longer, so they let her out....


7/23/17 10:14 AM 
kungfu_candy
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,213)
Alsónémedi
Hungary


Sometimes you ignore the red flags because you want to see people f**k up like you predicted. Sometimes it's like watching a train wreck, and sometimes it back fires.

A lot of the dumbest shit I've been through was because I chose to tolerate it out of the sheer fascination of how dumb it was.



7/23/17 10:17 AM 

easttowest72
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (11,627)
Bremen, GA


He is a closet homo who thinks having a woman there keeps him from being gay